May Random Musings

Greetings :-) 
Clearly my last post was a hoax. It wasn't intended to be. I thought I saw the light but got blindsided by well, just a bunch of stuff. I thought I would finally have time to blog. So wrong was I. On top of all the stuff going on, my computer hard drive crashed so I'm trying to re-upload all my applications, pictures, etc. I def lost some info :-/ and have no pictures to share right now. Wait, I might just have some from my phone. Anyway, the past few months I have been Jekyll and Hyde  about my hair. I've gone back and forth between really being tired of it, thinking it's ok, seriously, SERIOUSLY considering cutting and perming it  :-) and coloring it. And after all those emotions, I've still  done nothing of the sort to it. LOL. As adventurous as I got was  straightening it 2 x in the space of several weeks and prayed that it would revert. Most of it did. I'm still thinking about cutting it but I've cooled off a little re: getting a perm. 

It's been hard to keep up the blog when I have so much to do, IDK how ppl with full time jobs, families and the like do it! Anyway, I've been learning some real life lessons which I'm sure I'll share later. I don't know what to do about this hair but this is my blog and my hair journey so I guess whatever I decide, I'll post. When I talked to a friend about perming she was like what about your blog!!??? I was like what about it? At first I started to feel bad b/c it looks like I'm promoting natural hair and then I go perm? But then I realized, I'm not promoting natural hair. I'm just documenting my journey, plus other stuff.  That was my purpose and I almost forgot that. I've got a TON of pics to post from the past few months. Hopefully I'll get pics up soon. Meanwhile I'll leave you with an interesting  hair day a few weeks ago. The candid was taken by a friend. Hope all is well whichever part of the world you're in. :-)

~M

I'm baaack!

I totally dropped off of the blogoshpere for like  a month, I know.  Thangs in my life just got real.  Like, real.
Anyway, I'm back a little while! Stay tuned for some new posts :-)

:-)

xo,
M

Random Musings.

Hey y'all. 

This week my hair has been so dry I could probably use it for kindling a fire. It literally feels like hay. I keep touching to see if this is really my hair.  I dunno what gives. Wait,  come to think of it, I've been doing bad with drinking water the past few weeks. Hmm, that may be the culprit right there. Haven't been feeling well but if I can muster it, I think I'm going to steam and d/c today. So I have an update to this post.  I recently performed again. I made a  rack of mistakes and left out a whole chunk of one song save the last chord. Heh. At least I remembered the last note. Anyway, although I was faaaar from pleased with the outcome, I can say I wasn't nearly as nervous the last time. I don't know if it was b/c I wasn't feeling well and didn't  have time to obsess or  if  the things I've been telling my  subconscious (that it's no biggy,etc.) are working but whatever it is, I would like to keep it this way. Next time, I'd like to channel the calmness AND perform well with no memory slips and such. I believe it's gonna happen next time I perform.  I belieeeve! I just felt like I should sing that for a minute. LOL. Anyway, I will report back. Progress is a  happening. Yaay!

As for the weekend, I think it will be quiet. Other than going to church, I have a ton of homework and practice to do. What are you getting into? Whatever you do, hope your weekend is great. 

P.S.- I  am not on the twitter but I do follow Whoissugar on instagram. She. is. hilarious. I'm laughing just thinking of her commentary.

xo
~M

The Importance of Our Black History

I'm an African American. I was born in America. My parents however were not, yet I strongly identify with the Black American story. That story is similar for  people of color across the globe  but especially as it pertains to slavery.  It's obvious that slavery is not the only history of black people(s) however in America it seems so much of American history is tied up with slavery.  This is  because most Africans were brought here for the specific reason of being slaves. Now, this is not a post about slavery per se,  but history ,which happens to encompass slavery.

 I work with children every week. More particularly children who look like me. I'm really surprised and saddened that so many of them do not know their history. How can we as a people honestly move forward if we don't know where we came from? I'm not sure when or why black history stopped being important to the average black person in America but it's not o.k.with me. When I read stories of the struggle and the triumphs, when I read about the strength, resourcefulness and  resiliency of our people, I just can't understand how we let that get lost. Modern or popular culture is great  but we are so much more than just  popular culture.

 I'd love to develop a platform to share our history with most young ( and old) folks. It's such a rich history and even though my family history most likely cannot be traced here, I embrace and identify with this as my history too.  OUR history. I started to learn about American Black history  while listening to a Harry Connick Jr. ( who is white) oddly enough.  I heard a song on one of his albums featuring Carmen Mc Rae and I thought she was someone new so I looked her up. I had no idea that she was a veteran of jazz. Along side her name were names of her contemporaries and other older artists. These artists were mostly black and names I had heard NOTHING of.  Some of the first people I read about were  Ma Rainey and Bessie Smith. Until then, the most I  knew about black  history was a few things about monumental figures like Malcolm X and  Dr. Martin Luther King. I became so curious that I  checked out every book I could ( remember libraries?) on black music and black people. These stories aren't told in  American history books. It's up to us to make them live on for the next generation. I have been passing on a little knowledge here and there but  I certainly have to do more. What ideas do you have to help further the knowledge for the next generation and beyond?

~M

What's Holding you Back?

Hiya! How ya doin'? Whatcha doin'? Well obviously, you're reading this post. While I have your attention, lets talking about whats holding you back. Actually, I'm gonna talk about what's holding ME back  and through that hopefully inspire you to find what's holding YOU back. You like how I worked that out, huh? Me too :) Anyway, I suppose you could call this a follow up to my  Go Get Your Life Back post  a few days ago. Let's get on with it.

Confession: I have performance anxiety. I also have test anxiety. If I'm being really honest, I'll  just say I have some fears! We all do, right? Yup, that's what I thought.

I play the piano. I practice all the time. I get up to perform though and IDK what takes hold of me. I recently played something for my performance class ( yes there is actually a performance class where all you do is perform, get critiqued and watch others perform!) that didn't go as planned.  I worked on loosening up  by practicing mentally and thought I would do great on my last performance. What really happened:  I got on stage and could not remember the first notes of the piece to save my life! It all went out the window. I eventually worked my way through the end but I was so over myself.

 For the most part I'm an  introvert and as such, being a performer is not something that comes naturally for me. I realize as a musician though, there is just no  getting around performing.  I've been performing all my life and I've always been nervous but something happened a few years ago that really shook my confidence. I can't  even put a finger on  what it was but it was like I just got into this stuck and scared cycle and it continued  until I stopped playing in public anywhere. Craziest thing. Now I'm trying to figure how to work past that, to push past  that fear of failure and imperfection and just take the bull by the horns. It gets old  being too scared to perform.  Like, really, really old. It's time to stop robbing myself and the audience of the true pleasure that comes when someone is totally connected to what they are doing. I'm looking forward to getting to the place where I'm so connected and   the fear is so far behind me that it's not even worth mentioning.  I'm committed to moving past all the things that keep me from shining as brightly as I can. What about you? What's holding you back? What are you doing to change it? We can do this.

Go!

~M

Hair Lately

Had a couple of good hair days last weekend: 

Day 1

Looks like I forgot a twist or 2

Day 2 hair was better than 1

Day 2 hair  and yes I know I have a problem with making duck lips...O-o

~M

Oh, Henna...WHY you treat me so bad?

The chorus of this song is so apropos...

loosened curl pattern in the front and sides

Soooo about a week or 2 ago, I got overzealous with the henna. Left it on almost all day (which I've never done before). It straightened my hair!  I prolly deserved that though b/c it's what I wanted months ago. Looser curls so my hair wouldn't be so tangly. Well, guess what?  It's no bueno!  It totally looks like  I have heat damage AND of course my hair is still tangly! I haven't put any heat near my hair in a while either. The henna loosened the loosest part of my hair  and left the super tight tangly parts intact. This means  now I've got straight ends and  straight pieces all over. I'm too  irritated to be horribly upset. Does that make a bit of sense? Probably not, but you understand, right? It's what I get I guess. I think I'm still doin' too much. Gotta figure out what to do for my ends for twist outs.  I bunned last week  and kinda liked it. :-) No headache or anything- a miracle. I think I see curlformers on the horizon and roller sets but le time! Who has the time to be doing all that?  I really  don't  want to have neck length hair for the rest of my life but I am so serious when I say  my hair grew better in it's permed state ( shrugs). So many setbacks. Sigh.  Wait, I'm supposed to be positive with this.  Well o.k. "It's just hair, right?". Whatever hair, just do what you do... I got more important things to stress out about :-). 

Have you had a similar henna experience? What did you do?

xo,

M